What to do when you are not being listened to
Concrete, and it works better than being polite.
If you raise something and it is waved away, the following change the dynamic without a confrontation:
- Use numbers. "I have vomited nine times since yesterday" is harder to dismiss than "I feel awful."
- Name the outcome you are worried about. "I am worried this is preeclampsia" prompts a different response than "I have a headache."
- Ask for it in writing. "Could you note in my chart that I raised this and that we decided not to investigate?" This is not a threat. It is a request, and it very often changes the decision.
- Ask for a second opinion. You are entitled to one.
- Bring someone. A second person who repeats what you said changes what happens next.
Why this is not just about feelingsIn a study of 112 women followed for a year after birth, recorded pain scores during labor predicted nothing about later post-traumatic stress. Positive communication from clinicians did: adjusted odds ratio 0.29 at six months and 0.20 at twelve. Being heard is not a courtesy. It is associated with a different outcome.
Where this comes from:
252. Kountanis JA, Kirk R, Handelzalts JE, Jester JM, Kirk R, Muzik M. The associations of subjective appraisal of birth pain and provider-patient communication with postpartum-onset PTSD. Arch Womens Ment Health. 2022;25(1):171-180.
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This page is educational. It supports the conversation with your own clinicians. It is not consent to any treatment, and it cannot assess you. If you are worried about a symptom now, see urgent warning signs.